Adventures in the Looking Glass

So I spoke to the people from the house this morning and they wanted me to come over to have another chat but my parents were ever so obliging and said no they wouldn't give me a lift six miles down the road. So, that was that. The house people couldn't coem to get me either so we had a conversation on the phone instead. One of the first things they asked was: " So, about this Goth thing?" This rather shocked me as I thought I'd toned down quite well. Obviously not. However, a similar thing happened when I went to a Drama Soc ball and I said I'd try not to look too Goth but ended up head to toe in black, dark red lippy and great big heels. I try at least. Anyway, I told them I wasn't about to start burning patchouli and that I do shower often.

Mum still not talking to me. Made me a cup of tea this morning but I didn't drink it as I thought it might be poisoned.

NOT GOING TO WHITBY!!! DAMMIT! Everyone who is going has to have a wicked time on my behalf. I WILL go in April though, come hell or high water. I'm going to book my tickets and do it!!! I'll have a nice new waist cincher by then too!!!

FRIDAY

AM Rollout of bed. Dressing and make-up 1 hour = 50 calories.
Breakfast – One hot black coffee, no suger
Walk to work in ridiculous heels = 200 calories. Repeated falling good for exercising backs of legs and upper arms.

LUNCH
Some hint of hunger felt. Photocopying and post = 100 calories, good upper arm toning.
For lunch: diet coke spiked with vodka from hip flask, one cigarette.
Unlimited black coffee throughout day.

PM Walk home = 200 calories (see AM)
Once at home remove make-up and heat crimpers. Re-application of make-up, hair styling and multiple clothes changin2g = 150 calories.
Red wine = grapes = one fruit portion.
Evening in pub spent bitching, posing. Scowling very good facial work-out = 50 cals.
On way home stop for chips at greasy kebab van. Home. Bed.
700 Calories TOTAL

SATURDAY

AM No AM.

12pm Arise and immediately regurgitate contents of stomach.
Once sure that vomiting has subsided black coffee and two-days worth of Prozac t o get metabolism started. = 50 calories.
Dress, make-up = 50 cals

2pm Bus to town to buy hair-dye.
Walk from bus stop to shop and back = 20 calories.
Stop at Starbucks for Expresso.

4pm Dye hair, remove make-up – 50 calories.

5pm Dry hair, crimp, multiple dress changes, make-up = 150 calories
Peach schnapps = one fruit portion.

7pm Walk to pub in ridiculous heels (see FRIDAY AM) = 100 calories.
Bitching, posing and scowling = 50 calories.
10pm Clubbing. Dancing and posing very good aerobic exercise = 300 calories.

1am Drunken face-sucking with “cute” goth boy = 100 calories.

2am Walk home with goth boy =100 calories.
Sex with goth boy equivilent to 1 mile run = 300 calories.

5am Sleep.
1280 calories TOTAL


SUNDAY

AM No AM.

2pm Arise and regurgitate contents of stomach.
Realisation that “thing” in bed is surely not “cute” goth boy. Fear = 50 calories.

2.30pm Frantic phonecalls to answerphones to ask advice about “thing” in bed = 50 calories.

4pm “Thing” arises, regurgitates contents of stomach, leaves. Fear = 50 calories.

5pm Telephone conversations about “thing” = 100 calories. Good tongue exercise.

Throughout day unlimited black coffee, no sugar.

11pm Washing and mending of clothes, polishing PVC and leather = 100 calories.
Realisation that you really are that pale (worrying but kinda cool).
Sleep.

350 calories TOTAL