Panic! Run away!

I was sitting in Costa this morning sipping hot chocolate trying to figure out just what was making me so anxious and agitated today. Turns out it might have something to do with moving to another country. In two weeks. I've been trying to practice mindfulness, which is basically about me being aware of what the hell I'm thinking and feeling so that I don't become mental and "impulsive". This is good most of the time, and has on the odd occasion (see the post a few weeks back about being happy) resulted in a feeling of near bliss. Today it's not happening.

Helen's wedding is on Saturday and I'm not sure what my purpose as bridesmaid is, other than to look pretty (but not as stunning as Helen). I sorted out the skirt debacle with FGM and ended up getting an even better outfit from Pink Fluffy instead. There's nothing like being laced tightly to make me feel delicious. I'm going to see Helen tonight to try and finalise just what I'm doing.

Everything is quite good, although disorganised, but this is my way at present and I can't bring myself to get too wound up about things. I can guarantee that by next weekend I will have ten facial ticks and will be throwing up regularly from the stress of it all.

I saw Lou and B at the weekend, and was quite shocked to see B welling up when I left her house, because she's not going to see me for so long. I guess I never really thought of what effect my leaving the Western Hemisphere would have on people. I fully expect my mum to start some sort of jealous screaming row with me before I go, but I haven't expected anyone to really miss me.

A sense of panic is descending now. I think it's time for a cup of tea.